Tuesday, March 3, 2009
While Economy Goes Horribly Frigid, Economic Viagra Is On the Way!
After emerging sweaty from desperate Congress behind many closed doors and drawn curtains, Pres. Obama, allegedly smoking a cigarette, made good on his promise to change the world by forcibly enacting the most sweeping, penetrating spending bill in all human history. "This bill will give birth to a new era of economic opportunity. We aim to stimulate the flacid, weak economy the Bush administration left us by vigorous, energetic, and hard-hitting spending programs that will simply make your head spin," he announced.
In the same month, Congressional leaders, Pelosi, Rangel, and Reid emerged laughing giddily and hysterically from simular private sessions where Republicans were strangely excluded from, to announce another spending bill, the Omnibus Bill, replete with over 9,000 earmarks, designed to drive the economy into a "frenzied, rapturous feelings of prosperity and afterglows of security and well-being," according to Rep. Pelosi (D-CA.)
Dour, puritanical Republican congressmen tried to throw cold water on the bacchanalian festivities and euphoric feelings the 3 TRILLION dollar debt- the most gargantuan spending in debt in all history, by not participating in the orgy of spending and not voting for the two bills. "The pleasure will be but momentary, the economic position is ridiculous, and the expense is utterly damnable," crowed Rep.Boehner(Rep-OH.)
Meanwhile, Obama economic czars commiserated for ways to further stimulate the dysfuntional economy, while porn industry leaders met with them to discuss ideas for stimulating the economy, while begging for hand-outs to prop up their flagging multi-trillion dollar industry- a large part of the growth in the US economy in the last decade. "Porn star families are suffering," said industry leader, hero and patriot Larry Flynt, who met with Obama advisors. "We can no longer afford to outsource these jobs to places like Thailand and Romania. This is a national tragedy and a disaster, not only for the largest growth sector in the American economy, but for our national culture." National Endowment for the Arts chairperson, Patrice Walker Powell, met with Flynt later in the week behind closed doors to discuss the bail-out of the porn industry.
Meanwhile, Obama economic czars, Volker and Reich, met with California lawmakers to discuss creating taxes on things such as the selling of virginity, as 22-year old California resident, Natalie Dylan recently did for 3.2 million dollars. "Economists have long understood that enormous potential for revenue exists by so-called 'sin taxes,' an archaic term for sure for a secular state, but nonetheless," Reich offered. Other Hollywood film industry leaders, porn leaders and Obama economic wizards met to discuss how both a stimulation of sexual activity, and a tax on such activity, might help resolve a fraction of the debt being run up by the various spending, bail-out, and social engineering projects the Obama administration has promised in oder to complet his campaign promise to a young, idealistic, hopeful constuency to "rock your world."