Sunday, December 13, 2009

How the Vikings Saved the World Way Before Copenhagen

Unusual Historical Precedent in the Crusade To End Global Warming and Balance Economic Opportunity

They were known throughout enlightened academia as "the Al Gores of the Middle Ages," and the world owes huge steaming piles of unspeakable and unmentionable debts of gratitude to the early global warming fighters - to the Vikings. As our concerned global leaders and thinkers, like Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, Fidel Castro, not to speak of Al Gore, crusade for planetary survaival, in between feasting on platters of pickled herring, the ancient Vikings also fought a long campaign with similar goals and strategies in an earlier, little-known climate crisis. While at the Global Warming Summit, leaders are are consorting in the ancient Viking capital of Copenhagen, pleading for more state empowerment for a one-world government takeover of petty nationalistic rights in order to combat global warming, hundreds of years before, the Vikings were, in their own unique way, seeking the same thing.

Leaving their cozy, quaint hobbit holes in Norway and Denmark, these proto-hippie nature lovers ventured out by the hundreds of thousands to sacrificially fight with inhuman courage to lower worldwide global warming trends during the Medieval Warm Period, thus saving the planet. They delicately closed down thousands of polluting blacksmith shops, bakeries, libraries and razed hundreds of thousands of polluting homes and chimney stacks, not to mention, they drastically reduced human population in many areas so as to limit carbon footprints. They pursued their climate reduction campaign from southern Europe to the far coasts of Greenland, Ireland and even Nova Scotia. As early ecologists, their intense love for Mother Earth, or Gaia, or Thor, compelled them on their sacrificial worldwide campaign against earlier global warming, even though the warmer temperatures had helped them by melting much ice thus helping them to navigate the North Sea and the farther reaches of the eastern North Atlantic Ocean. At times they had to slaughter naysayers and skeptics who were the equivalents of the white-hooded, subhuman Holocaust-deniers and genocidal homophobic flat-earthers of our days, otherwise known as global-warming skeptics.

Many modern scientists, receiving millions of dollars in government grant money, agree that the massive rise in temperatures in the 800-1100 period was leading to the literal extinction of all living beings had it been allowed to continue unabated. As the Vikings sought through persuasion and education to convert the backwards peoples of Europe and elsewhere as to the dangers of rampant capitalism and greedy polluters of the earth, their herculean efforts gradually paid off, leveling the temperatures and thus saving the planet and life as we know it.