Sunday, December 13, 2009

How the Vikings Saved the World Way Before Copenhagen

Unusual Historical Precedent in the Crusade To End Global Warming and Balance Economic Opportunity

They were known throughout enlightened academia as "the Al Gores of the Middle Ages," and the world owes huge steaming piles of unspeakable and unmentionable debts of gratitude to the early global warming fighters - to the Vikings. As our concerned global leaders and thinkers, like Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, Fidel Castro, not to speak of Al Gore, crusade for planetary survaival, in between feasting on platters of pickled herring, the ancient Vikings also fought a long campaign with similar goals and strategies in an earlier, little-known climate crisis. While at the Global Warming Summit, leaders are are consorting in the ancient Viking capital of Copenhagen, pleading for more state empowerment for a one-world government takeover of petty nationalistic rights in order to combat global warming, hundreds of years before, the Vikings were, in their own unique way, seeking the same thing.

Leaving their cozy, quaint hobbit holes in Norway and Denmark, these proto-hippie nature lovers ventured out by the hundreds of thousands to sacrificially fight with inhuman courage to lower worldwide global warming trends during the Medieval Warm Period, thus saving the planet. They delicately closed down thousands of polluting blacksmith shops, bakeries, libraries and razed hundreds of thousands of polluting homes and chimney stacks, not to mention, they drastically reduced human population in many areas so as to limit carbon footprints. They pursued their climate reduction campaign from southern Europe to the far coasts of Greenland, Ireland and even Nova Scotia. As early ecologists, their intense love for Mother Earth, or Gaia, or Thor, compelled them on their sacrificial worldwide campaign against earlier global warming, even though the warmer temperatures had helped them by melting much ice thus helping them to navigate the North Sea and the farther reaches of the eastern North Atlantic Ocean. At times they had to slaughter naysayers and skeptics who were the equivalents of the white-hooded, subhuman Holocaust-deniers and genocidal homophobic flat-earthers of our days, otherwise known as global-warming skeptics.

Many modern scientists, receiving millions of dollars in government grant money, agree that the massive rise in temperatures in the 800-1100 period was leading to the literal extinction of all living beings had it been allowed to continue unabated. As the Vikings sought through persuasion and education to convert the backwards peoples of Europe and elsewhere as to the dangers of rampant capitalism and greedy polluters of the earth, their herculean efforts gradually paid off, leveling the temperatures and thus saving the planet and life as we know it.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Michael Moore's New Movie Under Attack by Capitalists

His Anti-Capitalism Film Tanks at the Box Office

Recalling ex-Pres. Clinton's blaming of "vast right-wing conspiracies" as the reason for both Clinton's and Pres. Obama's struggles to institute a system of social justice through national socialism, Michale Moore today also blamed the disastrous lack of interest by movie-goers in his brilliant, anti-capitalist propaganda film, "Capitalism: A Love Story,"on the same unknown members (likely Jewish though) of this deviously sinister conspiracy. "Greedy corporate sponsors are not donating to help us promote this project. We have not been able to buy enough air time," Moore explained to our LFL correspondent at his Upper Eastside Manhattan penthouse. "The illusion of prosperity that we have had for over 200 years has simply brainwashed the stupid, moronic American public, who are the stupidest people on earth in like, history, so much that even the best and most massive propaganda efforts in history of the media and academia for the last 30 years, cannot dissuade the majority of stupid Americans from the evils of capitalism. They are so stupid!"

Meanwhile on Capitol Hill, Rep. Barney Frank (MA-D) called for an investigation into this right-wing conspiracy and a proposed bill that would help struggling filmakers like Michael Moore to finance their films by having the federal government pay for their showing in public schools. "It's question of art. We must squeeze the creative juices of our artistic people to produce more flims like Capitialism: A Love Story, even if it seems there is not audience to watch it," he said to a receptive audience at the annual meeting of Progressives For Fairness, Freedom in Films and Truth! (PFFFT!) It's founder, ex-porn filmmaker, Art Scuzddly, called for even more drastic measures. "Progressive community organizers must go out in their local communities and seize the evil capitalist greedy, money-grubbing theaters and demand that "Capitalism: A Love Story" be the only movie shown for the next two months in the interest of fairness and freedom."

When asked about his next project, Moore stated that he was working on a movie about the evils of the food and dieting industry.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Holder Will Prosecute Bush Administration!

Ground Zero To Be Named, "Mohammad Atta Islamic Peace Plaza."

In announcing the long-desired for prosecution of Bush, Cheney, Obama administration Attorney general, Eric Holder, said today, "The vile criminals responsible for this war, 9/11, inumerable crimes against humanity, terrorism, and practically all evil in the world since the Romanoff family will be brought finally to justice!!" before a gathered crowd of Code Pink activists, Nation of Islam ministers, ACORN leaders and SEIU union representatives.

"This is a day of victory. We have long fought for freedom and for the downfall of the U.S," said Code Pink leader and community organizer, Vladamir Maryanne Westheimer.

Holder then later flew to NYC to speak before another crowd of Islamic and progressive community organizers to announce the naming of Ground Zero as, "The Mohammad Atta Islamic Peace Plaza."

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Politically Correct Agitator Attire Album

Reports of "Brooks Brothers", Old Navy, Dockers and Other Protest Fashion Horrors Provokes Cries of "Foul!!" From Democrat National Socialist Fashion Experts

Sen. Barbara Boxer expressed outrage at so-called health care protestors outrageous attire of "Brooks Brothers suits" to agitate, yell, protest, disrupt, and "stormtroop" peaceful Democratic legislators explaining of the proposed state-controlled takeover of health care for U.S and Mexican citizens. "Everyone with the most basic, decent, and civil respect for civil protest knows that that is not how you dress for riots, marching, and stormtrooping!" she cried on a live interview with the utterly mortified Chris Matthews.

As experts in radical-chic fashion for many years, we have catalogued an array of politically-correct protest attire so that protestors will be aware and prepared to not offend progressive sensibilities and fashion experts like Sen. Boxer and Chris Matthews.

Looking for a way to boldly declare that classic progressive-socialist message, "We socialists are way smarter than you dumb redneck reactionaries, and we got the brains coming out the wazoo to prove it?" Here, "Code Pink" Claudette shows in a smashing combo that pink is not only acceptable, but perfectly revolutionary!!! As an added benefit, her design gloriously plays upon the "pinko" theme in a subtle, yet humorously ironic way. Bravo, Claudette! Your brains are showing!

If pink is not your dealio, celebrity progressive fashion maven and shoe stylist Ricardo Reid might like to seduce you into one of the hottest radical-chic fashion trends today -Gitmo Orange! Express your politically-correct progressive rage at Amerika and solidarity with Sheik Muhamad Khalid. Just make sure your name isn't Julius!

This daring young fashion-forward Berkeley glamazon, Hector, has ingeniously combined the nostaligic Ho Chi Minh look with a dash of Palestinian-Hamas sashe acoutrements in a statement that is sure to deliciously offend the US capitalist-Zionist entity with a one-two punch for radical fashion!! Hello? Yayness?

Voila! Sometimes they say, "Less is more, mon ami!" Need we say more of Haight Street stylists, Stanley and Siggie's daring makeunder statement!!?

Right on!!! "Boston" Bart demonstrates virtual poupourri of vintage radicaleeze, creative, and yet color-coordinated! A smoragsborg of deliciously politically-correct, progressive totalitarianist causes and ideology that young'uns like this hopeful Maoist radical can visually nosh upon

Yo! Black is always back, especially these days as these two "City of Bro-love" fashion models, "G-hawd" and "Honky-X," don the ubiquitous and daringly provocotive black berets and nightstick accesories. Sure to cause a stir at your local polling booth! Black is the new black!! Waddup!

Back to the Left Coast, Santa Cruz stylin' pioneer, Adam, displays a trickle-up trendy "Love Pain" tatoo gorgeously combines the patriotic red, white, blue motif that is sure to tickle your radically Democrat-socialistic and nationalistic sentiments, replete with adorned undergarments to create a lovely sensually proletarian statement of solidarity and revolution! Right on! Power to the People!!

And last but not least, Al-Akbarack's absolutely fab combination creates the ever-growing popular and delectibly edgey "Palestinian Suicide-bomber" look, replete with faux cell-phone accessory! Yummy for your eye tummy!!!

WE ask all progressive-minded citizens and comrades to please be on the lookout for fashion treason and protest clothing horrors, and report it to:

Friday, August 7, 2009

Pres. Obama To Name "Squeaky" Fromme As "Family Values" Czar

Former Manson-follower and assailant of Pres. Ford will not be jobless on Aug. 16th when she is released from after 25 years in prison. In his 2,102nd press conference since his election, Pres. Obama announced, "I made a promise of hope and change when I was elected. It is clear that the American family is in grave danger. It is failing due to the failed policies of the past failed administration in the past nightmarish eight years and my administration will change that. Ms. Fromme has for years belonged to an alternative family structure that offers hope and change to the way things were done before."

Ms. Fromme expressed her gratitude and acceptance of the post at a news conference at a Fort Worth, TX prison yard. "As never before, this President has a wonderfully open mind about exciting new paradigms and values for the American family, a vision I hope to bring about." She went on to tell of her prison experience as being a time of growing, learning and understanding different understandings and ways 'family' could be defined and restructured so as to provide alternative policies and opportunities to the past failures. She went on to vow, "As the new Family Values czar, I will use my extensive life experience in various alternative family structures and lifestyles to reshape and recreate the failed American family of the Bush administration into a new, vibrant, and closer type of family than we have ever seen before!"

"I will give myself undyingly, unreservedly, unquestionably to this position, this vision, and Pres. Obama as I have never given my energies and devotion to anything or anyone before," she declared as prison officials led her away.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

The Stimulating Sexulus Package

While Economy Goes Horribly Frigid, Economic Viagra Is On the Way!

After emerging sweaty from desperate Congress behind many closed doors and drawn curtains, Pres. Obama, allegedly smoking a cigarette, made good on his promise to change the world by forcibly enacting the most sweeping, penetrating spending bill in all human history. "This bill will give birth to a new era of economic opportunity. We aim to stimulate the flacid, weak economy the Bush administration left us by vigorous, energetic, and hard-hitting spending programs that will simply make your head spin," he announced.

In the same month, Congressional leaders, Pelosi, Rangel, and Reid emerged laughing giddily and hysterically from simular private sessions where Republicans were strangely excluded from, to announce another spending bill, the Omnibus Bill, replete with over 9,000 earmarks, designed to drive the economy into a "frenzied, rapturous feelings of prosperity and afterglows of security and well-being," according to Rep. Pelosi (D-CA.)

Dour, puritanical Republican congressmen tried to throw cold water on the bacchanalian festivities and euphoric feelings the 3 TRILLION dollar debt- the most gargantuan spending in debt in all history, by not participating in the orgy of spending and not voting for the two bills. "The pleasure will be but momentary, the economic position is ridiculous, and the expense is utterly damnable," crowed Rep.Boehner(Rep-OH.)

Meanwhile, Obama economic czars commiserated for ways to further stimulate the dysfuntional economy, while porn industry leaders met with them to discuss ideas for stimulating the economy, while begging for hand-outs to prop up their flagging multi-trillion dollar industry- a large part of the growth in the US economy in the last decade. "Porn star families are suffering," said industry leader, hero and patriot Larry Flynt, who met with Obama advisors. "We can no longer afford to outsource these jobs to places like Thailand and Romania. This is a national tragedy and a disaster, not only for the largest growth sector in the American economy, but for our national culture." National Endowment for the Arts chairperson, Patrice Walker Powell, met with Flynt later in the week behind closed doors to discuss the bail-out of the porn industry.

Meanwhile, Obama economic czars, Volker and Reich, met with California lawmakers to discuss creating taxes on things such as the selling of virginity, as 22-year old California resident, Natalie Dylan recently did for 3.2 million dollars. "Economists have long understood that enormous potential for revenue exists by so-called 'sin taxes,' an archaic term for sure for a secular state, but nonetheless," Reich offered. Other Hollywood film industry leaders, porn leaders and Obama economic wizards met to discuss how both a stimulation of sexual activity, and a tax on such activity, might help resolve a fraction of the debt being run up by the various spending, bail-out, and social engineering projects the Obama administration has promised in oder to complet his campaign promise to a young, idealistic, hopeful constuency to "rock your world."