Michael Moore's New Movie Under Attack by Capitalists

His Anti-Capitalism Film Tanks at the Box Office

Recalling ex-Pres. Clinton's blaming of "vast right-wing conspiracies" as the reason for both Clinton's and Pres. Obama's struggles to institute a system of social justice through national socialism, Michale Moore today also blamed the disastrous lack of interest by movie-goers in his brilliant, anti-capitalist propaganda film, "Capitalism: A Love Story,"on the same unknown members (likely Jewish though) of this deviously sinister conspiracy. "Greedy corporate sponsors are not donating to help us promote this project. We have not been able to buy enough air time," Moore explained to our LFL correspondent at his Upper Eastside Manhattan penthouse. "The illusion of prosperity that we have had for over 200 years has simply brainwashed the stupid, moronic American public, who are the stupidest people on earth in like, history, so much that even the best and most massive propaganda efforts in history of the media and academia for the last 30 years, cannot dissuade the majority of stupid Americans from the evils of capitalism. They are so stupid!"

Meanwhile on Capitol Hill, Rep. Barney Frank (MA-D) called for an investigation into this right-wing conspiracy and a proposed bill that would help struggling filmakers like Michael Moore to finance their films by having the federal government pay for their showing in public schools. "It's question of art. We must squeeze the creative juices of our artistic people to produce more flims like Capitialism: A Love Story, even if it seems there is not audience to watch it," he said to a receptive audience at the annual meeting of Progressives For Fairness, Freedom in Films and Truth! (PFFFT!) It's founder, ex-porn filmmaker, Art Scuzddly, called for even more drastic measures. "Progressive community organizers must go out in their local communities and seize the evil capitalist greedy, money-grubbing theaters and demand that "Capitalism: A Love Story" be the only movie shown for the next two months in the interest of fairness and freedom."

When asked about his next project, Moore stated that he was working on a movie about the evils of the food and dieting industry.

Holder Will Prosecute Bush Administration!

Ground Zero To Be Named, "Mohammad Atta Islamic Peace Plaza."

In announcing the long-desired for prosecution of Bush, Cheney, Obama administration Attorney general, Eric Holder, said today, "The vile criminals responsible for this war, 9/11, inumerable crimes against humanity, terrorism, and practically all evil in the world since the Romanoff family will be brought finally to justice!!" before a gathered crowd of Code Pink activists, Nation of Islam ministers, ACORN leaders and SEIU union representatives.

"This is a day of victory. We have long fought for freedom and for the downfall of the U.S," said Code Pink leader and community organizer, Vladamir Maryanne Westheimer.

Holder then later flew to NYC to speak before another crowd of Islamic and progressive community organizers to announce the naming of Ground Zero as, "The Mohammad Atta Islamic Peace Plaza."

Politically Correct Agitator Attire Album

Reports of "Brooks Brothers", Old Navy, Dockers and Other Protest Fashion Horrors Provokes Cries of "Foul!!" From Democrat National Socialist Fashion Experts

Sen. Barbara Boxer expressed outrage at so-called health care protestors outrageous attire of "Brooks Brothers suits" to agitate, yell, protest, disrupt, and "stormtroop" peaceful Democratic legislators explaining of the proposed state-controlled takeover of health care for U.S and Mexican citizens. "Everyone with the most basic, decent, and civil respect for civil protest knows that that is not how you dress for riots, marching, and stormtrooping!" she cried on a live interview with the utterly mortified Chris Matthews.

As experts in radical-chic fashion for many years, we have catalogued an array of politically-correct protest attire so that protestors will be aware and prepared to not offend progressive sensibilities and fashion experts like Sen. Boxer and Chris Matthews.

Looking for a way to boldly declare that classic progressive-socialist message, "We socialists are way smarter than you dumb redneck reactionaries, and we got the brains coming out the wazoo to prove it?" Here, "Code Pink" Claudette shows in a smashing combo that pink is not only acceptable, but perfectly revolutionary!!! As an added benefit, her design gloriously plays upon the "pinko" theme in a subtle, yet humorously ironic way. Bravo, Claudette! Your brains are showing!


If pink is not your dealio, celebrity progressive fashion maven and shoe stylist Ricardo Reid might like to seduce you into one of the hottest radical-chic fashion trends today -Gitmo Orange! Express your politically-correct progressive rage at Amerika and solidarity with Sheik Muhamad Khalid. Just make sure your name isn't Julius!


This daring young fashion-forward Berkeley glamazon, Hector, has ingeniously combined the nostaligic Ho Chi Minh look with a dash of Palestinian-Hamas sashe acoutrements in a statement that is sure to deliciously offend the US capitalist-Zionist entity with a one-two punch for radical fashion!! Hello? Yayness?



Voila! Sometimes they say, "Less is more, mon ami!" Need we say more of Haight Street stylists, Stanley and Siggie's daring makeunder statement!!?





.
Right on!!! "Boston" Bart demonstrates virtual poupourri of vintage radicaleeze, creative, and yet color-coordinated! A smoragsborg of deliciously politically-correct, progressive totalitarianist causes and ideology that young'uns like this hopeful Maoist radical can visually nosh upon





Yo! Black is always back, especially these days as these two "City of Bro-love" fashion models, "G-hawd" and "Honky-X," don the ubiquitous and daringly provocotive black berets and nightstick accesories. Sure to cause a stir at your local polling booth! Black is the new black!! Waddup!




Back to the Left Coast, Santa Cruz stylin' pioneer, Adam, displays a trickle-up trendy "Love Pain" tatoo gorgeously combines the patriotic red, white, blue motif that is sure to tickle your radically Democrat-socialistic and nationalistic sentiments, replete with adorned undergarments to create a lovely sensually proletarian statement of solidarity and revolution! Right on! Power to the People!!






And last but not least, Al-Akbarack's absolutely fab combination creates the ever-growing popular and delectibly edgey "Palestinian Suicide-bomber" look, replete with faux cell-phone accessory! Yummy for your eye tummy!!!




WE ask all progressive-minded citizens and comrades to please be on the lookout for fashion treason and protest clothing horrors, and report it to: flagfashionterrorism@whitehouse.org

Pres. Obama To Name "Squeaky" Fromme As "Family Values" Czar

Former Manson-follower and assailant of Pres. Ford will not be jobless on Aug. 16th when she is released from after 25 years in prison. In his 2,102nd press conference since his election, Pres. Obama announced, "I made a promise of hope and change when I was elected. It is clear that the American family is in grave danger. It is failing due to the failed policies of the past failed administration in the past nightmarish eight years and my administration will change that. Ms. Fromme has for years belonged to an alternative family structure that offers hope and change to the way things were done before."


Ms. Fromme expressed her gratitude and acceptance of the post at a news conference at a Fort Worth, TX prison yard. "As never before, this President has a wonderfully open mind about exciting new paradigms and values for the American family, a vision I hope to bring about." She went on to tell of her prison experience as being a time of growing, learning and understanding different understandings and ways 'family' could be defined and restructured so as to provide alternative policies and opportunities to the past failures. She went on to vow, "As the new Family Values czar, I will use my extensive life experience in various alternative family structures and lifestyles to reshape and recreate the failed American family of the Bush administration into a new, vibrant, and closer type of family than we have ever seen before!"

"I will give myself undyingly, unreservedly, unquestionably to this position, this vision, and Pres. Obama as I have never given my energies and devotion to anything or anyone before," she declared as prison officials led her away.

The Stimulating Sexulus Package

While Economy Goes Horribly Frigid, Economic Viagra Is On the Way!

After emerging sweaty from desperate Congress behind many closed doors and drawn curtains, Pres. Obama, allegedly smoking a cigarette, made good on his promise to change the world by forcibly enacting the most sweeping, penetrating spending bill in all human history. "This bill will give birth to a new era of economic opportunity. We aim to stimulate the flacid, weak economy the Bush administration left us by vigorous, energetic, and hard-hitting spending programs that will simply make your head spin," he announced.

In the same month, Congressional leaders, Pelosi, Rangel, and Reid emerged laughing giddily and hysterically from simular private sessions where Republicans were strangely excluded from, to announce another spending bill, the Omnibus Bill, replete with over 9,000 earmarks, designed to drive the economy into a "frenzied, rapturous feelings of prosperity and afterglows of security and well-being," according to Rep. Pelosi (D-CA.)

Dour, puritanical Republican congressmen tried to throw cold water on the bacchanalian festivities and euphoric feelings the 3 TRILLION dollar debt- the most gargantuan spending in debt in all history, by not participating in the orgy of spending and not voting for the two bills. "The pleasure will be but momentary, the economic position is ridiculous, and the expense is utterly damnable," crowed Rep.Boehner(Rep-OH.)

Meanwhile, Obama economic czars commiserated for ways to further stimulate the dysfuntional economy, while porn industry leaders met with them to discuss ideas for stimulating the economy, while begging for hand-outs to prop up their flagging multi-trillion dollar industry- a large part of the growth in the US economy in the last decade. "Porn star families are suffering," said industry leader, hero and patriot Larry Flynt, who met with Obama advisors. "We can no longer afford to outsource these jobs to places like Thailand and Romania. This is a national tragedy and a disaster, not only for the largest growth sector in the American economy, but for our national culture." National Endowment for the Arts chairperson, Patrice Walker Powell, met with Flynt later in the week behind closed doors to discuss the bail-out of the porn industry.

Meanwhile, Obama economic czars, Volker and Reich, met with California lawmakers to discuss creating taxes on things such as the selling of virginity, as 22-year old California resident, Natalie Dylan recently did for 3.2 million dollars. "Economists have long understood that enormous potential for revenue exists by so-called 'sin taxes,' an archaic term for sure for a secular state, but nonetheless," Reich offered. Other Hollywood film industry leaders, porn leaders and Obama economic wizards met to discuss how both a stimulation of sexual activity, and a tax on such activity, might help resolve a fraction of the debt being run up by the various spending, bail-out, and social engineering projects the Obama administration has promised in oder to complet his campaign promise to a young, idealistic, hopeful constuency to "rock your world."

Atheists Cruelly Persecuted Across The Nation at Christmas

Here's a Lump of Lump in Your Little Religulous Reich Red Stocking

As if the extreme stress, the inhuman humiliation, and the violent hatred rationalist freethinkers (AKA atheists) suffer at this time of the year by cruel insensitive people blurting out, "Merry Christmas," or "Happy Holiday," or family members expecting presents wasn't enough. Last week, a small group of oppressed atheists in Washington state decided to lash back at their oppresors by excercisng their Constitutional right to joyfully express their belief in non-belief, and put up a sign at the Washington State Capitol Building last week expressing their faith in unfaith. But then, somebody with no Christmas spirit stole it and violently threw into a ditch! The atheists were emotionally crushed at seeing their Christmas sign so treated with disrespect, that now a new, more militant group has formed.

"This vicious act of intolerance by hateful fundie believers against believers of unbelief is the drop that finally broke the camel's back," begins the initial comunique of a new group of non-believing militants, Atheist Resistance to State Enforcement of Hate And Theology who has declared war, not just on Christmas, but on all religious imposition by the state and violations of the First Amendment. The spokesman for the militant group, Stanley Hircismus, 24, stated its objectives. "We are organizing at this moment to enforce the Constitution's 1st Amendment guarantee against the state establishing religions, by demanding that we get rid of every single reference to any sort non-material entities by any and all state entities."

"The obvious ones are the holidays - Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, MLK Day - they all must go. No longer must U.S. secular citizens have to put up with them, nor with bigotted, atheophobic jokes about not wanting to be an atheist because they have no holidays. Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny. But guess what smart ass? Even the word "holiday" (Meaning "holy day,") must go." The group suggests that they will be called "vacation days," and we will hence take a holiday from all holidays.

The group is also vehemently protesting the calendar, starting with the days of the week. Hircismus clarified, "Some of our atheist brethren may object by claiming the days are named after a favorite topic of rational, scientific people - the physical bodies in space- yea, we love planets and stuff, especially the moons, but further scientific research reveals that the planets were really named after Roman, German, and Nordic gods! While we reserve very special disdain for Christianity," Hircismus continued while making a disdainful face, "even pagan deities should not be exempted. A good scientific atheistic way to name the days would be to simply number them. For example, 'Monday' then becomes, 'One.' Simple. Logical. Nobody gets offended."

Hircimus them mentioned another touchy area for secular humanists, freethinkers and rational people - the years. "Why do we have to have a year system based upon a man who was a myth because he supposedly did things that were mythological?" When I mentioned that courageous secular believers have managed to replace the AD-BC system with the more atheist-friendly 'CE' (common era,) Hircismus got visibly irritated. "But the whole damn...ooops, pardon my inadvertent reference to deity...thing stinks! No matter what you call it, it is still based and a mythological person that never existed and never could anyway! We demand the total ovehauling of the Gregorian calendar and that we start counting years with a non-religious figure perhaps." When asked who the group thought would best be fitted for marking a new calendar, Hircimus said, "Barack Obama, of course. He has brought science, hope and light to the world and will save us from our sins...I mean political and economic errors. We can start the new calendar, the new era with his inauguration on Jan.20 - which will become day 1 of month 1 of year 1. The previous time will just be called the Dark Ages and left at that."

Next, says the group, the days of the month are highly offensive and horrifically destructive of their Constitutional rights as believers in unbelief. "The first eight refer directly to old Roman deities, the last for are Latin names for "tenth" and so on. We say name them all according to their numbers. This is creative as well as easy to grasp. It takes atheistic minds set free from the shackles of belief to come up with such innovative thinking," Hircismus stated.

The group claims that many U.S. geographical locations oppress, insult, humiliate and deeply offend atheists such as - San Francisco. Hicismus became animated in our interview. "Can you imagine? The very seat of atheism in the U.S. and they dare name it after a saint?" Others places the group demands must immdiately be changed - Los Angeles, San Diego, Sacramento, Corpus Christi, St. Louis, San Antonio, Maryland, Virginia, St. Paul, ETC., ETC. Other suspicious ones like Phoenix, Atlanta, and Seattle should go too- better to be safe than sorry. Their spokesman added, "However, we have listed some new, approved, and exciting names that will not make atheists victims of state religion. They are Constitutionally-comliant, and honor some great non-religious people - Darwinburgh, Marxville, Leninton, Nietzscheland, Sartre City - there are many wonderful, non-offensive options!"

"The intolerance and fascist revoking of our Constitutional rights to not have religion shoved down our gullets cannot just stop there," the group's resistance comunique states, "As the Atheist Civil Liberties Union is litigating for this year, we demand an end to the Pledge of Allegiance for it's illegal refernce to deity. All swearing on Bibles - out! Out damned spot! "In God we Trust" - Oh no we don't! It must be immediately removed from all money. That religious crap on the Supreme Court building, and all national monuments must be immediately sandblasted into oblivion. Any institution receiving federal of state funds cannot ever, ever eve mention the vile word,"god" on its premises. And since we know Jefferson was really an atheist, we also know that the reference to deity in the Declaration of Independence was a later interpolation by devious Xians. It must be obliterated. The very document announcing our freedom deprives us of our freedom to be free of religion!Imagine!"

So, while you will not be getting any sappy "Merry Christmas," or "Season's Greetings," or absurdly laughable "Happy Holidays," out of either this group, or Bill Mahers, Chris Hitchens, Richard Dawkins, myself, as well as any other highly intelligent specimen of human existence, we will however, be willing to extend to you, our faithful readership, a heartfelt and totally secular...

,"Merry Fourth Quarter Events, and a Happy Fiscal New Year!!!!""

Would You Let Hitler Pray At Your Inauguration Ceremony?

Don't Let the Goofy Hawaiian Shirt Fool You!

One of the most incredibly outrageous and worrisome acts by a sitting Pres.-elect has just been announced today by Obama. We refer to the horrific and unfathomably wrong invitation by Pres.-elect of Saddleback Church pastor Rick Warren to give the opening prayer at his inauguration ceremony.

Although we tolerant progressives understand that he was elected to end the old politics of divisiveness and to unify the country, not based upon imaginary shared values or ideology, but rather based upon his amazing persona, even an extreme right-winger like Chris Hitchens agrees with the mighty uproar righteous indignation of the Progressive community on this one - Pres.-elect Obama has gone way too far on the inclusiveness bit. Rick Warren epitomizes the very heart of hatred, intolerance and evil.

Dr. Julian Bond, chair of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, declared recently in a speech that gay marriage a civil rights issue, just like rights for blacks. “African Americans, were the only Americans who were enslaved for two centuries, but we were far from the only Americans suffering discrimination then and now,” Bond said. “Sexual disposition parallels race. I was born this way. I have no choice. I wouldn’t change it if I could. Sexuality is unchangeable.”

Since denying gays marriage is like racism, logically, what Warren does is far worse it defies the mind! Even the Grand Dragon of the KKK would not be so hateful as to deny blacks the right to marry each other, would they? No! Not even Hitler would have even thought of denying Jews the right to marry each other, would he? He wouldn't have dreamed of it! But what Rick Warren and other evangelicals or orthodox believers do is so much more bigotted, discriminatory and inhumane than even the KKK or the Nazis!

But what has the progressive forces of tolerance and understanding in violent uproar is that the harbinger and torch-bearer of hope and change dares to invite him to...pray at his inauguration! My shock and dismay stuns me into utter silence...well, almost. Do not let the Hawaiian shirts and deceivingly open friendly look of this man delude you. If some being named Satan actually existed, and we know he doesn't, then Warren would be the embodiment of this supposed Beezlebub. If evil really existed, and of course it doesn't, then Rick Warren and Christians like him would be the very embodiment of evil and everything that is wrong with the planet. There is a limit to the tolerance of we tolerant progressives, and that limit has to be when the intolerance towards tolerance reaches intolerable levels of intolerance, then we must stand up and not tolerate the vile hateful intolerance of those who cloak their intolerance in the vocabulary of tolerance.