Monday, October 13, 2008

The Hatred and Bigotry of the Republicans Has Done Me In

Take heart! There is a solution!
I don't know what has happened to me. I am generally a peaceful person, except for when I was involved a bit in the peace effort during the Vietnam era. We had to bomb a few targets like the Statue of Liberty and Independence Hall as a symbolic statements for the freedom of the people of Southeast Asia, and it worked! Our peace effort brought peace to millions of citizens of Southeast Asia, millions of whom are now living peacefully in the U.S.

But I digress. Everytime I see that goddam evil, %^$% racist, neo-nazi #$%&^ bitch thing from Alaska, I simply lose all my normal intelligence, poise, tolerance, love for humanity and calm demeanor. You may not be able to tell it by my literary eruditions, but everytime I see her on TV at home, she sends me into uncontrollable hysterical fits of animalistic rage . My insurance company is no longer believes me that my third plasma screen TV just spontaneously exploded again and are now refusing to replace it. Greedy corporate thieves! I am on meds. I wake up at nights in cold sweats with horrific nightmares of plastic glasses and twangy Middle-American prose echoing in my terrified heart. And most tragic of all, my thinking and conversation has become erratic and incoherent, which is starting to affect my writing. I am out of control. My life is unmanageable.

I have admitted I need help and that there is a higher power available, at a cost - Dr. Weinstein, my therapist. She has been helping me to work through all this, to comprehend why this....this...that....#$%^%$ Palin!... sends me, a reknown professor of human ontology and PHD from Harvard, into a total frightening freak-out fit of nuclear meltdown defcon5 batshit crazy blathering barbarity. She has comforted me in showing me that I am not alone in this struggle, but that many of the finest, most brilliant, creative people on the planet are caught in this horrid, inhumane vortex of mindless fanatic rage and hate, people like Madonna, Matt Damon, Gloria Steinem, all the dozens of once-famous-out-of-work actors who now write 50$ articles for the HuffPo excoriating Palin, ETC., ETC.

Yesterday, in my group therapy session at the San Fransisco Zen Center, we had a wonderful breakthrough. We were discussing exactly why %^&!%$ Palin incites so many of us peace-loving people dedicated to humanitarianism, tolerance, women's lib, and open-mindedness into deep, scary, vein-popping levels of hatred and clinically off-the-charts exhibitions of Tourette's Syndrome. One of our group, a screen writer for sex therapy films, suddenly had a glorious epiphany. "Hey! We are not really all that bad!" he shouted out to the group almost spilling his raspberry double-macadamia nut frappé. "No?" we asked hopefully in stunned unison. "NO!" he screamed letting his super-ego take a backseat to his id. "It's all her fault! Everytime they criticize an Obama position or associate, they are being like the racist bigots who burned alive those little black school girls in Alabama! I am seeing it now...We are not guilty!" ( Although later, some cynically thought he might have been seeing a newsfeed about Rep. Lewis' statements on his iPhone.) Oh it was incredible! We all leaped up in childlike joy and release, and started taking off our clothes while marching in a circle chanting, "Kill Ms. Piggie! Kill Ms. Piggie! Kill Ms. Piggie!" It was so liberating!

So now I am free. Free at last! I am in my 12th step now - carrying the message to others who suffer pangs of conscience about their irrational, sub-human hatred toward Sarah Palin- It's OK! No more guilt and shame when I say that I would like to take that %$#%$%ing Sarah Palin and film her getting tortured and raped by brothers from Harlem, as one Prgressive recently suggested. And then, before kicking her ass myself with my hobnailed boots until she screams for mercy, as Madonna suggested to thousands of hooting fans , I will burn her trailer-trash family alive before her eyes just before finishing her off by making her drink muriatic acid and letting the last words she ever hears be, "It's all your fault Ms. Hottie... plus I hate those glasses!"

....and besides she's so....so.... mean to those poor animals!!!

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dr. L, Could I see you in my office tomorrow? I think we need to go back and review a few things. I will waive the fee on this session.

ac said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

ac said...

Help stop the hate - here are three things you can do to make a difference right now:

1. If you are infected with Palin hate, there are many services available - encounter groups, trained specialists, medications being developed.

2. If a friend has it organize an immediate intervention. If you are infected don't wait or live in denial.

3. Please write protest letters to the Minstream media and boycott them. Use alternative media outlets.

Anonymous said...

Or you could take a nice relaxing vacation to a southeast Asian resort!

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Our captain on Flight 666 is The Most Reverend Jamal Waleed, peace be upon him. This is his first command since graduating from Designated Victim Group flight school. We wish him the best of luck! If you are a typical white person please do not be alarmed by his occasional poisonous muttering concerning infidels; we care here at BNW Ayerlines, and will debit the carbon footprint of any passenger who causes a member DVG to feel bad. And since everyone who works at Brave New World IS a DV you will kindly not profile our rude, incompetent and dangerous behavior.

But don't worry. I and my colleagues will cause you to be better. We will empower you to be passengers in our image because we care about you. We have your needs front and center and will never, ever think ill of you nor resent you. Our motto here at Brave New World is "fair and non-judgmental service" and if you question us you are a hate-filled, stupid bigot and just not at all cool.

Please note that our aircraft today is a brand new Chinese copy of a Boeing 747. Senior crew members and those in the Alpha section may also notice that their seats have been fitted with high-altitude ejection capsules. These may be used in any situation you deem crummy and as an added bonus when in operation the latest hip Hollywood film larded with knowing irony will begin playing. Those Chicoms think of everything don't they! Those of you in Beta will be ram-fed especially commissioned thrash-rock tracks during stomach-churning low-pressure wind sheer. Hey, talk about diversity! Wooh!

To finish on an updraft rush ladies and gentlemen, our Passenger Bill of Rights, Chapter 25, Section F, paragraph 23 states . . .

Shareholders of BNW: To Whit, Your surcharge will be reduced by 3% for all items and the plastic cup with a BNW logo is offered at no charge.

Have an enjoyable flight on Brave New World Ayerlines. We want your business.

Dr. Waddlesworth Lumplevin said...

mr. anon,
what a wonderful flight of fancy!

would they perchance be playing this onboard?:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGp0hCxSg98

this song always brings tears to my eyes.

Nicole said...

Dr. Lumplevin,

I have read your post twice now, and I am still rolling on the floor laughing, although I did manage to get up to type.:)

I found that reading your post was great therapy for my own case of Palin hatred.

Thanks!

Dr. Waddlesworth Lumplevin said...

ms. nicole...
Don't ever let "them" make you feel guilty for your Palin-hatred. "They will try to divide us by trying to impose antiquated religious ideas upon us with archaic reactionary concepts like "decency," "respect," "moderation," "humanity" ETC.

Just be who you are as we will all be who we are and we will be the hope that we are waiting for.